Monday February 28, 2011

On this particularly dark and dreary Monday in New York City, we are fortunate enough to have an abundance of news to satiate any case of the Mondays. You know what I'm talking about. It's cloudy, it's wet and worst of all it's Monday. However there is a silver lining as the gods in Hollywood are providing us with an abundance of news from post-Oscar's gossip to the latest in Charlie Sheen's continually downward spinning spiral into crazy-town. Pick your poison, I'll begin with the Oscars recap first and save the best of Charlie for last.

Last night ABC hosted the 83rd Annual Academy Awards, and what a show it was. Hosting this years was Anne Hathaway and James Franco, who have gotten mixed reviews (as per usual). Many critics are saying this was the most boring awards show to date and I have to say I disagree completely. Was this the greatest Awards show I've ever seen, definitely not, but that is by no fault of the nights hosts, or should I say host-Hathaway far and away carried the show in its entirety no thanks to Franco. But one can imagine it's a tough gig hosting the Oscars, and  the pressures inherent in doing it, and doing it well no less have got to be tremendous. Especially considering you've been charged with the task of following in the footsteps of Billy Crystal, Jack Lemmon, Steve Martin, and Sammy Davis Jr. to name a few. Hathaway carried the show with the elegance and poise worthy of hosting an event as prestigious as the Oscars, and saved the day from the slow moving train wreck that was James Franco who was visibly drunk, high or taking the new Charlie Sheen drug (more on this later) as he slurred through his scripted lines. It was cringe worthy. The most memorable moments of the night belong to presenter Kirk Douglas, Colin Firth (who won for Best Actor in The Kings Speech,) a pregnant Natalie Portman accepting her award for Best Actress in Black Swan,) presenters Russel Brand & Helen Mirren hilarious bit of comedy, James Franco dressed in drag (his only memorable moment) and for all the struggling young filmmakers out there, Best Short Film Winner Luke Matheny won for his black and while short God Of Love proving that anything really is possible.

 Now for the news that everyone's been waiting for and the reason why its been so fun to see the two words that are lighting up the daily blogosphere about-Charlie Sheen. Its like a one-man soap opera gone bad, but its oh soo good, and continues to get better. In his latest assault against his number one fan and favorite person-himself, Sheen has taken his rampage to the broadcast news, because radio wasn't quite cutting it. I've taken the liberty of listing some of the highlights from his latest interviews ( so many to choose from) and have decided it's time to capitalize on the dream machine that is Charlie Sheen 


Good Morning America:
On being on drugs:

I am on a drug. It’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available. If you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.

On how he reacted to the shutting down of Two and a Half Men:

I was disappointed. I think people misinterpret my passion for anger.

On suing CBS:

I don’t have a job. I’ve got a whole family to support and love. People a lot more important than me are relying on that money to fuel the magic.

On accusations of antisemitism (after he called Chuck Lorre “Chaim Levine”):

There’s nothing about that in my history anywhere. I’m sorry if I offended you. I didn’t know you were so sensitive. I just thought that, after you wailing on me for eight years, I could take a couple shots back.

On whether he is a violent person:

When it’s needed to protect my family, absolutely. And it’s unlike anything you will ever see.

The Today Show:
On curing himself of addiction:

I closed my eyes and made it so with the power of my mind, and unlearned 22 years of fiction … the fiction of AA. It’s a silly book written by a broken-down fool.

On why he turned to alcohol and drugs:

I did that because they work … change the way you see things and change the way you feel. And yeah, when you’re a little bit bored with the redundancy of certain aspects of your life, yeah, I think that’s why people do them.

On in-home rehab:

Well, we couldn’t really call it rehab because we didn’t have a license to operate one, so it was a crisis management center that we labeled the Sober Valley Lodge. … its primary client achieved radical success.

On whether he will someday be embarrassed to have to explain his behavior to his children:

God, no. Talk about an education. And then, like, this, and then that’s the guy, and that’s our dad and we can get all the answers and the truth? Wow, winning!

To Chuck Lorre:

Why is it, when I was ready to return to work, you told me there are no scripts ready to shoot? This obviously begs the second part of the question: What would we have shot had you not ordered the suits into my home to shut down my party? Clearly, he didn’t bring gum for everyone. And why is it you issued a decree informing me that the remaining eight shows of Season 8 had been reduced down to four, stating as well that Season 8 was suddenly to halt production two weeks earlier than scheduled? You’re the only man that can answer this. When you were told that the crew would suffer gravely as a result of your dictatorial laziness, would you please explain what you meant by your statement, quote, “They are not my problem?” end quote.

On how he avoids relapsing:

I just don’t do it. I will not believe that if I do something then I have to follow a certain path because it was written for normal people. People who aren’t special. People who don’t have tiger blood and Adonis DNA.

On life after Two and a Half Men:

Well, I mean, first of all come Wednesday morning they’re gonna rename it Charlie Bros. and not Warner Bros. Duh, winning! It’s, like, guys, IMDB right there, 62 movies and a ton of success. I mean, c’mon bro, I won best picture at 20. I wasn’t even trying. I wasn’t even warm.

Final thoughts on CBS:

Everybody thinks I should be begging for my job back, and I’m just gonna forewarn them, it’s everybody else who’s gonna be begging me for their job back. … If people think I’m insane or they don’t think that what I’m saying is  true, I have no interest in their retarded opinions. I’m gonna live my life the way I want, I’m gonna win inside every moment, and they can just find the most comfortable chair in their small house and sit back and enjoy the show.

And saving the best for last.. on himself:

I’m tired of pretending I’m not a total bitchin’ rock star from Mars.

My final thoughts, for today at least, is keep em comin Charlie, you are the greatest rock star this side of the milky way.

Monday Headlines

The 83rd Annual Academy Awards: The Complete List Of Winners

http://laist.com/2011/02/28/the_83rd_annual_academy_awards_comp.php

This Is What Winning Looks Like 
http://dlisted.com/node/40999 

17 Buzziest Oscar Moments
http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2011-02-28/best-and-worst-oscar-moments-james-franco-and-anne-hathaway-hosting-melissa-leos-f-bomb-and-the-kings-speech-win/?om_rid=NsfkaV&om_mid=_BNbAN7B8ZY2KfC


Charlie Sheen Says He'll Sue For 300 million; Apologizes To Chuck Lorre
http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/charlie-sheen-says-hell-sue-162386

Anne Hathaways Amazing Adventure As An Oscar Host
http://www.accesshollywood.com/anne-hathaway-calls-oscar-hosting-gig-an-amazing-adventure_article_44520


Inside The Vanity Fair Oscar Party
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2011/02/28/AR2011022803006.html

Oscars 2011: Our 5 Favorite Moments
http://hollywoodcrush.mtv.com/2011/02/28/favorite-oscar-moments/

Glam Slam; Oscar Style Gold
http://www.accesshollywood.com/glam-slam-oscar-style-gold_article_44490

Trent Reznor Scores An Oscar For The Social Network
http://newsroom.mtv.com/2011/02/28/trent-reznor-oscar-the-social-network/

Oscars 2011: The Beauties And The Beasts
http://www.foxnews.com/imag/Beauty/Oscars+2011%3A+The+Beauties+and+the+Beasts

Aaron Sorkin Praises Facebook Creator Mark Zuckerburg
http://www.thedeadbolt.com/news/110181/aaron_sorkin_the_social_network_mark_zuckerberg_news.php

Oscar Honored Movies May Have A Long Wait To Download
http://voices.washingtonpost.com/fasterforward/2011/02/oscar-honored_movies_have_a_lo.html

Lady Gaga Channels Madonna And German Film Director Fritz Lang In Born This Way
http://www.rollingstone.com/culture/blogs/rolling-stone-video-blog/lady-gaga-channels-madonna-and-german-film-director-fritz-lang-in-born-this-way-20110228