Dear Charlie Sheen,
My name is Michelle Gross and I believe I am the best candidate for the available social media internship position. I would like to take a moment to explain a few reasons why.
First of all I am fucking amazing. I may not have tigers blood or the D.N.A of an Adonis, but I certainly know what it means to be kick ass party awesome. While you may render the blood of a tiger, I posses the magic of a unicorn and the wizardry of a Centaur. I believe our powers combined could lead to the ultimate demise of all the evil trolls in this world. We will prevail! We will not give up! Win!
I would also like to take a moment to discuss my qualifications with you. You see, upon my immediate conception into the mortal world I have believed in one ultimate truth. Winning. I learned the importance of this seemingly simple word at a young age when I was forced to co-exist amongst the yuppy private school beastlings that my parents forced upon me. I knew I could do better and have strived to set myself apart ever since. I believe in the power of magic and this is the very magic that has led me to you.
But what are my necessary skill-sets you ask? Aside from my obvious awesomeness and disarmingly good looks, I also have a rainbow belt (including one rainbow stripe) in the art of Taekwondo, Jenga extraordinaire, ability to multitask and prioritize while under the influence, invisibility techniques, extreme bowling expert, dropping it like it's hot, and ninja like agility, amongst many, many more.
This is what I can offer you Charlie. This and so much more. Of course I will be more than willing to answer any questions you might have, and sincerely hope to hear from you soon. In the meantime I leave you with these two words..
Bring it.
Michelle
Apply Here:.http://cs.internships.com/charlie-sheen-internship/?adly_id=1373351728
1 comment:
you may have wonderful qualifications and you may want to save him but what "poor" charlie, yes, "poor" charlie needs is not the wonderful person you are but a miracle from god. he was given many talents which he has obviously taken for granted and has forgotten where those talents came from. he needs help. help him not by encouraging him in his negative ways but by praying for him.
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